Mommy’s world reached a whole new level of crazy this week. From the installation of locks and gates throughout the house to dives and lunges to save wine bottles and vases from hitting the floor, it’s been a rough couple of days. Baby’s transition into toddlerhood has created a whole new agenda for me. With his growing curiosity in everything dangerous and his increasing, but imperfect skill in balancing himself on his feet, I can’t take my eyes off my son or let him out of arm’s reach…for fear his innocent exploration will lead to him strangling himself or giving himself a concussion.
On top of bestowing on mommy these new worries and responsibilities, this week, my already difficult baby (I’ve only recently come to terms with the fact that he fits into the difficult category, and I don’t like it) has suddenly become exponentially more difficult. Out of the blue, months after his initial bout of stranger anxiety, he refuses to be anywhere except in mama’s arms. (And, yes, it’s good to feel needed, but folks, mama has her needs too—needs that don’t include baby attached to her hip 24/7.) And, the largest source of madness escalates with each passing day that brings me closer to baby’s first birthday. Together, the thought of a whole year come and gone in addition to planning a party has sent mommy spiraling into sanity loss territory, including several minor meltdowns over choosing food for the big day, contemplating whether or not now is the time to wean baby from breastfeeding, and mourning the idea that baby’s not really a baby anymore.
So, what to do? Take deep breaths? Count to ten?
I tried those things. I also tried working out for an hour, eating some chocolate (my go-to elixir), and continuing my manic efforts toward party preparations, thinking that productivity might make me feel better. Nope. Honestly, I can’t say I found a solution on my own.
The answer found me when I was nursing baby to bed about an hour ago. As his warm little body was nestled close to mine with my finger in his tiny hand, and my chin on his head, I just took it all in. Suddenly, nothing else was important except that moment.
“We do not remember days; we remember moments.” ~Cesare Pavese (Italian poet and novelist)
As a mom, some days, even whole weeks, are a struggle. With baby’s growing repertoire of skills and discoveries, I have a feeling a few of those periods will be a part of my near future. But, amid the craziness, it’s important to clear my head and just focus on the moment every once in a while. Because that’s what I’ll remember with every passing birthday and that’s what I don’t want to regret: missing all the moments because I was stressing out about the days.